Under Pressure…

As I sit here, feeling extremely moody, I am contemplating everything and anything my mind finds itself marinating on.  Currently, I am sitting here, repeatedly checking my My Days app, trying to figure out why I am having craving after craving after craving for random and just plain BAD food but, of course, I am well aware that I am nowhere near the red zone, my term of endearment for PMS, and even further from actual menstruation so I decided to reel myself back in and really try to pinpoint this roller coaster of emotion I’ve been riding since 4:15 PM… And it hit me… I’m stressed!

Since being laid off last November, my life has been relatively stress-free: no annoying customers to worry about or deadlines to lose sleep over at night; no spoiled-ass children working for Daddy’s company, making six figures, while I sit at the right hand of the owner doing my work, his work and the work of all of the shitheads he spawned too, just so I can pay the bills.  Instead, I’ve been spending my days helping my abundantly talented girlfriend get her own business up & running.  Who doesn’t want to get up every morning and spend the day with their best friend, doing something you love to do and being APPRECIATED for it?  Now, after a year of this, she has grown enough to move into office space and, for whatever reason, it has increased the workload available to me and it has inspired me to grab my own destiny by the balls and really push for success!  I’ve also had to get myself on a real schedule for the first time in a year, too.  Before, I could roll out of bed, do what I felt like and be to her house by 10 am and feel like it was completely normal.  Now, I’m up by 6 (on a good day)/6:30 (at the latest), rushing out to Curves, racing back home to shower and dress and be to the office by 9 am.   Now, for anyone who knows me, it isn’t hard to imagine that I actually LOVE the change this has brought to me; I am a stickler for schedule & order and truly appreciate that I have a routine again but, HOLY SHIT has it taken its toll on me!

All this, on top of an unrealistic goal to be at 160 lbs by 11/15, has had me feeling a bit Under Pressure lately!

Let me tie this all together for you.

Hi, my name is Amy and I’m an over-eater and I placate my emotions, of any kind, with food.  *pauses for everyone to say “Hi, Amy!”*  I’ve been on the wagon for almost 1 year, 355 days to be exact, and I’m proud of my accomplishments.  I consider myself the poster child for gastric bypass surgery; I’ve yet to have a serious complication or problem occur and I have followed the “program” rather well, not that I’ve been perfect.  It has been refreshing to recreate my life from a healthy template my doctors have given me.  But, today, I’ve learned that I still have a journey ahead of me because it wasn’t until today that it hit me: I still have so many coping skills I need to learn.  Every craving I had today was triggered by an emotion that I was feeling: excitement, anger, disappointment, stress.  Thankfully, I keep black bean based brownies, beet based red velvet squares and Greek yogurt filled tiramisu pieces on hand at all times but, when you start to consume one of each per day, no matter how much “healthier” they are for you, it’s still overeating any which way you look at it.

Maybe the gym should be my outlet.  I do truly love how good I feel once I’m done with my workout but working out isn’t always an option at the time.  When it isn’t available to me, I need to find new outlets to embrace my feelings without enlarging my waistline.

Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

  • Walking, even if it is just around the block or a lap around the office building, takes my mind off of the “feeling” so I think I will be implementing that during the workday.
  • Blogging.  When I started this blog, I was ready to go hit up the third dessert of the day.  Now, I am turned off at the thought of consuming another bite of food.  I’m actually still pretty satisfied from my dinner I had about an hour and a half ago.

What says you readers?  What can anyone offer me as a quick and effective way to nip an emotional craving in the bud?  Hit me!

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About formerfatbitch

I'm a former fat bitch on the path towards becoming a healthy bitch and I'm taking everyone along for the ride with me so saddle up!
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